The insecurity ghost!

As humans we are all a bundle of insecurities. Some of them depend on how others treats us and some on how we treat ourselves.
      Society often tries to point it out to us if we are tall enough, rich enough, successful enough according to its own barometers . Hence, one of our biggest struggles turn out to be keeping these insecurities under check and being strong enough to not believe in them. But a greater struggle is when we have to deal with our own securities ; those which emerge out of self- doubt. Although some of these are true and come with a sense of reality ; some of these are apparent and emerge because of our own comparisons with everyone around. All of these together persists in our mind deep down but tend to be invisible in a happy confident state of mind. However, when we hit a kind of rock bottom, all these negative thoughts suddenly go on in our mind like some audio cassette in auto play mode. We tend to believe in the negative things more than the positive. Likewise,I was going through a similar phase when I happened to randomly read about converting insecurities into our capabilities ; like that famous quote of building a castle out of bricks thrown at you. Better said than done , I agree. But it may not be impossible right? If we look into it, these thoughts arise because of our own denial of our flaws sometimes. Accepting them wholeheartedly for once, may be the first step. What if we are short,dark or a little extra curvy, until we are healthy we should love and accept ourselves however we are. That's how God wanted us to be and let's admire his creativity. However, when it is not about physicality let's not blame God and limit ourselves since he has given our mind infinite capabilities we are at times unaware of. No one is perfect but he has made all of us special and unique. Why judge ourselves from someone else's perception and make a flaw out of it. Instead of whining that we are different from others,let's be proud of it!  Let us find that special unique part in ourselves and celebrate it. Perhaps, that can convert our insecurities into capabilities !! :-)

The power of silence

Have you ever thought of running away from a place because everyone around suddenly fell silent in the middle of a  conversation?  Well i have. As a teenager I used to have constant chatter in my head and felt quite uneasy in situations where I had no choice but remain silent. With time,experience and a little maturity I have struck a deal with silence and often find comfort in it now. I ve realized that quieter you become , more you hear yourself and connect. Moreover , in certain circumstances silence is a far safer option because meaningful silence is always better than meaningless words. However, silence can even be fun when used to torture the one who expects you to be enraged. But astonishingly, have you ever noticed that silence can be so paradoxical. It can be beautiful or painful depending on the circumstances.
      It is love when two people are dying to speak but don't know where to start from. It is hurt when the same duo doesn't have anything left to say.
      It is solace when u want to converse with yourself ; irritating when you are running away from your truth.
      It is breathtakingly beautiful when silence is between you and nature ; numbingly painful when amidst the same nature you feel lonely.
But they say even pain is beautiful occasionally !  Not such a paradox may be ? :-/

Rama vs Krishna

Rama and Krishna are known to be India's famous mythological figures. Some may claim them to be historical but that is not what interests me. What really intrigues me is that both Ram and Krishna are characters who are kind of diametrically opposite to each other. If Ram stands for rules which needs to be established in society to achieve stability and equilibrium, Krishna stands for removing redundant rules which may bring stability but cause injustice. One is who sacrificed almost his whole life for the sake of abiding by the rules and the other is who bends them. Mind u Krishna doesn't bend them for convenience like most of us humans do to get things done our way. He bends rules for justice and gives new meaning to dharma. In this day and age we have reduced Ram to be a 'Hindu god' and Krishna limited to his 'leela's forgetting what they really stand for. What we really need as a society is not Rama vs Krishna ,it's Rama and Krishna. As much as stability is important in a society, abolishing redundant rules which tend to oppress the weak are also equally important. As we can see ,with time monogamy has been upheld and sati has been abolished. Further if we observe keenly we wil realise that all of us have these two tendencies in different proportions. There are some of us who are obedient and never cross the line. And rest of us who bend their lines to accommodate what we feel is right. The big question is not about which of the two is right because ultimately what matters is justice.

Bharatiya Naari !

Had time to catch up a typical 90 s Bollywood flick today. Though entertaining I could not help but notice the way Indian women have evolved onscreen. In 90s women could ve been a working woman but stil she would still be the damsel in distress who needs a man to protect her. Her purity was held by a certain part of her body. She dint seek for love but for marriage. She was the God fearing obedient daughter, dutiful wife, in short the "Sanskari Bharatiya naari" . Well our heroines today are still all that but much more. They are unapologetic about who they are and work not just to make a living but for the love for their work. They crave for true love not marriage. They may be in distress sometimes but they equally or even single handedly find a solution. She certainly doesn't try to prove her sanctity in old ways. Of course this evolution is reflected and evident in society today. With much larger percentage of women on their own feet, financial independence has certainly given more confidence to today's women. But in her core,may be women has always been this way, waiting for the opportunity to be herself for years. Because in 1980s and 90s far from those quintessential Indian movies, men like Mahesh Bhat (long ago in arth ) or Mani Ratnam ( in his pallavi Anu pallavi ) have always had strong women leads who are not just women as society wants them to be seen but the way Indian women really are. Strong with a mind and flaws of their own and don't necessarily need a man to complete their lives. Well surprisingly Tagore did the same almost hundred years ago in his stories, be it Chokar Bali or aparichita.This makes me think may be Indian women have always been the same but only some great unthreatened observant minds saw it then too.

Role models?

Ironically fools day was the day I had my life's first interview to attend ( not sure who fooled who though lol ). I was casually asked about who was my women role model. Expected normal question but a tricky one for someone like me who doesn't believe in having one role model. I stressed my mind a lot to find an answer which would be real and also taken seriously. Well I couldn't say the most clichéd mother Theresa coz though I admire her a lot ,I don't think I ve it in me to be anything like her or even if i wanted to be her. I avoided saying Indira Gandhi to be apolitical. Finally i said Sushmita Sen n I certainly look up to her as a woman of substance. But the thought which stroke me when i was asked that question was that most of us really don't distinguish between men and women wen we look up to someone right? We just look for qualities which we aspire to have. You don't really need to be a woman to appreciate a woman or otherwise for men right? Yes there may be certain things we can understand and appreciate better about our own gender. But when it comes to qualities, there are so many qualities of different individuals that inspire us irrespective of gender. For me its a big list consisting of equanimity from Rahman Sir ; excelling under pressure from Virat kohli ; articulation of Mr. Amitabh Bachan ; humility from Kalam sir..
Wel I am greedy and list goes on and on.

Life is a quadratic equation

Do u remember one of those aptitude mcq questions for which u get a quadratic equation and u keep finding factors which don't match. Finally u find out that answer is some sort of infinity and the equation doesn't even have a tangible answer!  Life is exactly like that sometimes. When u hit rock bottom and mind becomes a freaking mess, like a swirling wind destroying a barren land thoughts go haywire, aimless , just round and round! Most of the times we hardly have any answers for life's constant challenges. By the time we realize there is not a certain right answer and multiple solutions open up, there is already a new quadratic equation preparing to hit us! Well sorry if I unknowingly led you to hope tht I wil give a magical solution to it. I am still busy solving mine :-P

2 special days

They say there are two most important days in a person's life. First, the day when  we are born and second, the day we realize why we are born!

Well I am still stuck in the former figuring out the latter. Almost 30 years of my life are done and still I am clueless. I envy ppl like Sunidhi n Shreya ( read Chauhan and Ghosal ) who realize so early in life and successfully become what they are really meant to be. I remember that as a child I would imagine myself to be singing on stage like Sunidhi Chauhan did in meri awaaz suno on doordarshan when she was a child prodigy. Then Sigmund Freud books in my school library drove me so much tht I wanted to be a psychologist . But the -'be atleast an engineer' social syndrome effected me and distracted my life to an extent. Currently as a civil service aspirant, I know I will be good at it. But I still ve not had the second kind of special day yet. I feel there are so many things which I want to be and also can be but I am not! May be like Boman irani who found his passion in second half of his life, I wil too. Well cheers to ppl like him who have the courage to follow their heart at any point in their lives that clueless people like me can stil hope!

P.S manufacture defect alert : Most of my references wil be musicians actors and filmmakers.